Writing Sample update
January 23rd, 2012 § 1 Comment
Well, the females in The Maltese Falcon are really, really not feminist.
I’m at a place in writing right now where I have lots of information, pages of writing, dozens of primary source quotes that make up some kind of point in my head, but no real argument. I sometimes run into this when I’m writing academically. I have all the stuff and a nebulous idea, but trouble executing it or even boiling it down to a sentence. I am so brain-fried.
The Nancy Drew part is written; I need to add some analysis.
Whole Foods was busy earlier, but has died down now that the football game has started. I’m thinking about leaving soon and maybe zoning out with a novel or a documentary.
Group Dynamics
January 22nd, 2012 § Leave a Comment
My new class is full of group work. Working with others is one of the most difficult parts of this class and actually, my life. I fear new dynamics, especially in a community in which everyone is significantly younger than me and not really into high achieving. Mostly, I play nice since our grade doesn’t come from these activities. I just don’t know what to say when a girl stares at me and says, “I wish I did my homework.” The only thing I could think of was, “I wish you did, too.”
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I go to Whole Foods three times a day. I’ve developed quite a following. The following consists of boys who have crushes on me. Going to Whole Foods is more awkward each time. I can’t get apples without talking to Produce who asked me out but backed off when he figured out how nerdy I am. I think it was specifically the light I wear on my head when I run and how much I love C-SPAN that scared him away. Now there’s a boy who works in the front of the store who talks to me about running. Right now, I’m in a phase of liking the boy in front of the store.
Navigating the second-largest Whole Foods store in the country has become quite the challenge.
Katherine just told me the cheese-counter boy smiles at me when I go get olive samples.
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I am in the process of joining a new church full of old people, a running club full of quick people, mostly boys, and a knitting club full of people whom I assume are neater knitters than I am, since most of them are old ladies. I have been phasing these in over the past few weeks, since its too much for all at once. Most of the new people in my life are not in my typical dynamic (i.e. they are 18 and 80, except for the runners and the boys at Whole Foods; but those last two are mostly boys, a group I rarely hang out with as a whole). For the record, I like old people best.
I don’t really like my peers or anyone younger than them. I have enough friends who are in the 18-24, 25, 26 female age cohort, who are amazing and great, but I am seeking people outside that. But hanging out with old people means I need to learn how to interact with them in the best way possible. I also need to learn how boys operate in groups, but frankly, I’ll have to see how interested I am.
Estudiante
January 17th, 2012 § Leave a Comment
Speaking of overachieving, I’ve reentered Arena #1 of my longtime perfectionism, perpetual freak outs and coffee-laced tears:
….
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school.
I’m taking a women’s studies class at a community college with Katherine. I started out auditing it, then signed up officially, then signed up for the honors section…
I know this looks like the path of an overachiever, and I’m not sure it isn’t, but I’m only taking one four-unit class, which is a lot fewer than the 20+ units I took each quarter back during ‘those days.’ So at the most, this is overachieving divided by five, which isn’t very much at all.
I like the class so far. One of the teachers (it is a co-taught class) is really cool and smart; the other is alternatively hilarious and frustrating. I’m confused by all the people who don’t do their homework. There have been plenty of times when I didn’t do my homework throughout my life, but I would at least stress out about it when it happened. Not many people in the class seem to care.
Although the class is listed under women’s studies and sociology, it’s basically a community organizing course. So, we talk about different social movements throughout the history of the US and we have to do a service project [I should be good there. (See previous post.)]
I’m trying to use this new playing field as practice for the real work of graduate school, which I will hopefully begin one of these days. So far, I’ve turned everything in on time and have thought ahead about the larger projects. There are no tests in this class, so I don’t have to take notes in order to regurgitate. I’m taking them, though, to practice. I was never a good note taker in college or ever.
I like having something to look forward to during the day (at least on Tuesday and Thursday) and I really like having (easy) homework again. Plus, this is a little something to squeeze into my grad school apps before I send them off in two weeks.
Volunteering update
January 12th, 2012 § 1 Comment
I got a promotion! I’ve been volunteering at the library for a while now, I think since August or September. I’m still a volunteer, but now I’m a volunteer who’s in charge of the other volunteers. I have a phone number at the library and will soon have office hours. And I get to add a title to my email signature.
This new job is a little stressful. There is more responsibility and I’m brainstorming ways to be creative and recruit new learners and find better resources for them.
******
Part of the reason I’m doing this (besides loving the library and being committed to volunteering in my community) is that I’m trying to add stress back into my life in a healthy manner. Remember how I used to be an overachiever? I never want to be one again. I’ve been laying low for the past year or so, not doing anything too high profile. But real life is calling and with that comes stress.
So I’m trying to be simply an achiever of my goals without all the extra anxiety that comes with the over part. This position should be good practice.
With my new commitment to sanity, I’ve also turned down a position as an English Language Learner conversation group facilitator (also at the library). I’m really sad about this, but know that I don’t have the energy for it right now. Ahhh———-adult choices.
***
I still see the Kindergartners every Wednesday, so I get a lot of facilitating out of my system there. I’m also very attached to most of them, so working there doesn’t seem like a job.
Joan of Arc/The Maltese Falcon
January 10th, 2012 § Leave a Comment
The other day was Joan of Arc’s 600th birthday. Below is my favorite quote from a NYT article.
“We don’t need narratives that rationalize human experience so much as those that enlarge it with the breath of mystery. For as long as we look to heroes for inspiration, to leaders whose vision lifts them above our limited perspective, who cherish their values above their earthly lives, the story of Joan of Arc will remain one we remember, and celebrate.”
***
Also, I’ve reached the research point of Part 2 of my writing sample, which is reading The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett. The book is a detective novel published in 1930; it’s one of the first noir novels that cemented the hardboiled detective character which would become popular in the 30s. My task is to search the female characters and their dialogue for bits of feminism. This quest seems impossible at times, especially with the first line of the novel being: “Yes, sweetheart?”
But I know I’ll find some, even if Brigid O’Shaughnessy is no Joan of Arc, no matter how you look at her. After all, I found a little bit of feminism in Nancy Drew, which makes me worthy of being called a sleuth myself.
Nancy Drew: rereading
January 5th, 2012 § 2 Comments
I wrote on of my senior theses about Nancy Drew. Now, I’m trying to turn that project into a writing sample to submit to graduate schools. But, since I finished college in a mediocre state and am not as proud as I could be with the job I did, I am rewriting the project before whittling it down to writing sample size.
This rewriting requires rereading of my primary sources: Nancy Drew novels. (There is actually another half to this project, which I’m also working on, but for this week, I’m focusing on the Nancy Drew half.)
I reread the first book of the series yesterday. It was about a missing will hidden in a clock.
Most of the books follow the same basic plot, which makes for some boredom, but also helps me prove my point (soon-to-be disclosed in my paper, maybe also on my blog). Besides being boring, and I’m probably not enlightening you or anything, but the books are really sexist. Nancy, as good a “sleuth” as she is, can’t do anything without the help of her rich, important, lawyer dad.
The best quote I’ve found to illustrate this so far:
“‘Now what?’ Mr. Drew asked, smiling, as [Nancy] burst in upon him. ‘Have you solved the mystery or is your purse in need of a little change?’”
Wow!
For now, it’s a Nancy Drew book-a-day until I get through five or six of them. This project will certainly help my goal of reading 100 books this year, although I’m not sure I want to advertise that I’m reading Nancy Drew. Then again, why not?
I’ll publish my final paper somewhere online and you can read it if you want.
**NB Working on an academic paper is making me miss school. I’m happy about this, since I didn’t know if I’d ever miss school again after how burned out I was at the time I graduated. So, along with the feeling of laughing in the face of my fears/insecurities regarding school, I’m also getting the urge to nerd out again. Not that that ever really stopped, but I think school makes my nerdiness more formal.
Helloooo, 2012!
January 2nd, 2012 § 2 Comments
I can’t think of words to sum up 2011, only interjections like “Whoa” “Wow” “Ow” “Aw” and “What?”. Last year was a crazy year. I worked harder than I ever had and fully embraced my role as adventurista.
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Some highlights:
-Starting the year with my German relatives in the familial village with firecrackers and church bells and a Schneebar, which is a bar made out of snow.
-Leaving the land of mulled wine, hand-knit socks, and my surname carved into random pillars around town for the prospect of five months of sola travel (hardest thing EVER)…
-…and subsequently hitting twelve countries and spending time feeding cows and editing a book about childbirth, among other things
-Coming home to work at a crazy job with crazy requirements like meeting a man named Jerry on a freeway exit to get a key to the abandoned continuation school in which I would be working
-Moving in with my best friend and starting up fizzy water/red wine habits
-Being assigned to Hawaii and becoming a certified professional traveler with frequent flyer miles and absolutely not a scratch on any of the rental cars I borrowed
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What a year! Reading that list makes me think of all the good times and all the times I couldn’t stop laughing. But truthfully, most of that took a lot of hard work to pull off. At many points during the year, I found myself stuck in ruts of not knowing what to do next. I’ve become really good at making up my mind to move forward until I feel the wheels turning again. And look where the wheels got me!
So: I’m grateful for the opportunities, nostalgic for all the adventure, and super proud of my determined self for being able to put it all together.
My goal for 2012 is to move forward in the bravery and confidence I discovered last year. I’m not sure what that will look like, but it will probably at least be interesting.
I also want to read more, write more, run more, and travel more. But those resolutions are always in progress, so I’m not stressing.
Happy New Year!
Marilynne Robinson: overwhelming
December 30th, 2011 § Leave a Comment
I’m rereading a book I’ve read twice before. I don’t like to risk sounding dense, but the book has been too much for my head to grasp during my other readings, so I’m giving it another go.
I’m not sure exactly what about it is too much for my brain. The novel is a letter a dying preacher is writing his young son to have after he’s gone. Although there is some non-sequential story telling, the letter isn’t too difficult to follow.
All the symbolism is what’s getting to me, I think.
Some of the symbols and themes I’m thinking about so far (I’m halfway through the book):
-water
-Communion (broken bodies: Christ’s and humans’)
-fire
-fathers/sons
-disappointment
-violence/war
-slavery/freedom/abolition
-sanctification (???)
That is some pretty heavy stuff, with too many connotations for me to think about all at once.
I’ve been journaling copiously about this book. I think it’s one of those that I’ll have to think about for a long time after I get done reading it.
Thanks for dealing with my book posts over the past few days. I’ve been reading too much and if I don’t have an outlet, I become too thinky, which isn’t good.
I posted this quote a few months ago. It’s still one of my favorites, ever:
“I feel sometimes as if I were a child who opens its eyes on the world once and sees amazing things it will never know any names for and then has to close its eyes again. I know this is all mere apparition compared to what awaits us, but it is only lovelier for that. There is a human beauty in it. And I can’t believe that, when we have all been changed and put on incorruptibility, we will forget our fantastic condition of mortality and impermanence, the great bright dream of procreating and perishing that meant the whole world to us. In eternity this world will be Troy, I believe, and all that has passed here will be the epic of the universe, the ballad they sing in the streets. Because I don’t imagine any reality putting this one in the shade entirely, and I think piety forbids me to try.” (57)
Joyce Carol Oates: creep out
December 30th, 2011 § 2 Comments
Hmmmm…. so far, my experience with this JC Oates is creeping me out. I picked up My Sister, My Love: The Intimate Story of Skyler Rampike, since it was one of three Oate’s novels that my small-town library had on the shelf and because a friend had recommended Oates recently.
Seriously, of all the novels, why must it have been this one that was available for borrow? The book is a thinly-veiled parody of the Jon Benet Ramsey case and a satire of upper-middle class life. And it is so, so dark and unnerving.
In addition to cringing at the portrayal of a horrific death and the horrors of growing up in a gang-infested prep school, I have a personal connection to the JBR case, which is making the book all the more difficult to read. I will not at this time divulge the details of that connection due to fear for my safety, but maybe someday I’ll be courageous enough to blog about it. Most of you know about that already.
I’ve heard most of Oate’s novels are high on creep factor, but there’s something about a little girl being murdered that gets under my skin (as, I’m sure, most readers’). Still, I’m cursed with my inability to simply throw the book under my bed or into the return pile at the library. (Thanks to my friend Lauren for the “curse” terminology during our phone conversation yesterday. Actually, it was Lauren who recommended Oates a couple of weeks ago when we were working together, so thanks for that, too, Lauren.)
Honestly, however, the novel is enticing and well-written and full of new vocab words for my awaiting flashcards. When I’m not recoiling in fear, I kind of like the suspense factor of the book, which, if not exactly full of action at all points, is replete with cliffhangers. The characters are a little flat, but do their jobs and the details of the plot are incredibly thorough.
I am one of those readers who Googles authors. And I like what I see in Oates. She’s a runner and incredibly prolific (more than 50 novels written, so far!). Because of a recent commitment to read more fiction, as well as the curse I talked about earlier, I’ll probably give her another try, perhaps We Were the Mulvaneys.
flareandglare
